the basic idea:

a transcontinental weblog between two friends


May 27, 2002

"i am difficulty maintaining grace and composure"

mark my words: one day soon i will be standing on a crowded street corner, shouting that at the top of my lungs if one more wacky assed piece of shit hits my fan before i get a freakin' week off. what's worse - I haven't emailed my best friend in what, like, a month and a half? something like that?

so why blog instead of emailing? or even writing? simple. it's 1:15 in the goddamned morning here, i've been working for ten hours straigh on a sunday on a goddamned extra freakin' curricular activity, and frankly blog is about all i can do. tomorrow i'll actually write a bona fide letter, but right now, damnit, i'm gonna blog.

the past few weeks have included (and go with me on the order here, because that's half the fun ...)

  • april 22: former friend and houseguest l* decides to yell at me at 2 am because i don't want to sleep with him
  • april 22: leave my own apt at 4:00 am after said incident. sleep 2 hrs at neighbor's apt then go to study group
  • april 22: begin with the difficulty maintaining grace and composure
  • april 23: b-day passes with minimal hooplah, reinforcing prev. assessment that birthdays are just disappointing
  • april 24: finish with all my god forsaken classes
  • april 25: evil fancy dinner with long speeches and mediocre food
  • april 27-28: take home exam in (i shit you not) canon law of the roman catholic church
  • may 1: trademark paper (25 pages) due at 5:30 pm. started this paper during the day on april 30th
  • may 2: corporate finance (closed book) exam. note to self: do not practice corporate finance
  • may 3: dad decides to drop the bombshell and informs me he and his wife of 19 years are getting divorced
  • may 3: odds of shouting "i am having difficulty maintaining my grace and composure" on street corner increase
  • may 4-5: teach self estate law and pretend my model of a happy marriage didn't just dissolve
  • may 6: estate law (closed book) exam. note to self: get someone intelligent to draft my will
  • may 8: meeting at 8:30 in the goddamed morning, followed by a 24 hr exam in copyright litigation. 20 pages
  • may 9: turn in 18 poorly written pages on copyright litigation (although i did make several jokes...points for humor?)
  • may 9: interview first of five candidates for future dean of my school because i'm (dig it) a"student leader"
  • may 10: continue my reign of terror as student leader with next dean candidate
  • may 10: my friend pete's birthday. oddly, no drama .. until (see next)
  • may 10: my friend c* decides to tell me he wants to be more than friends. the feeling is the opposite of mutual
  • may 10: (ok, really may 11 at 4 am) sleep at friend d*'s apartment because i am having a meltdown
  • may 11: continued and increased difficulty maintaining grace and composure
  • may 11: scramble (literally) for a rental car because c* was supposed to accompany me on my adventure
  • may 11: drive like a madwoman on no sleep to delaware to see my friend from high school get married
  • may 12: drive back to ny and pass out (no, not while driving)
  • may 13: c* sends a string of self-indulgent, self-loathing, pathetic emails stating we can no longer be friends.
  • may 13: emotionally blackmailed into meeting with c* for what he calls "closure" and what i call self-flagelation
  • may 13: inform c* that since he has been (at best) less than honest with me, i can no longer trust him
  • may 13: close friendship with c* officially over
  • may 14-17: finish job of 4 and a half years and continue meetings with potential deans #3-5.
  • may 17: low key exit from job. notably given wonder bunny tshirt by beloved coworkers.
  • may 18: spend $150 getting a real haircut. time to look like an adult.
  • may 18: see new star wars flick. funny. very, very funny.
  • may 19: shop like a person who has no idea just what "office casual" means
  • may 20: start at new job. orientation is disorienting.
  • may 20: get assigned to arbitration hearing. will be missing the rest of orientation with the other campers.
  • may 21-24: arbitration hearings. this really is my dream job. now if only i could get oriented.
  • may 24: campers go to martini bar after welcome dinner. i stay for one drink, then go out by myself for a beer.
  • may 25: my first real day in my office. i spill coffee and am told i am doing (shockingly) well so far
  • may 26: refuse to get out of bed all day. grace and composure be damned.
  • may 27: today (ok, yesterday). spend day of extra curricular bullshit. power sucks. i'd prefer a good burrito.

    wow. doing that really made me feel better. (got all that, heid?) no seriously - i feel purged. the past six weeks have been a bitch, and i'm annoyed by it. not annoyed by the actual crap that's gone down, but annoyed that it's getting in my way of enjoying a really beautiful life. kinda like a big ole pile of locusts raining down on your parade.

    oh well, i should go home. goodnight, moon.