"i am difficulty maintaining grace and composure"
mark my words: one day soon i will be standing on a crowded street corner, shouting that at the top of my lungs if one more wacky assed piece of shit hits my fan before i get a freakin' week off. what's worse - I haven't emailed my best friend in what, like, a month and a half? something like that?
so why blog instead of emailing? or even writing? simple. it's 1:15 in the goddamned morning here, i've been working for ten hours straigh on a sunday on a goddamned extra freakin' curricular activity, and frankly blog is about all i can do. tomorrow i'll actually write a bona fide letter, but right now, damnit, i'm gonna blog.
the past few weeks have included (and go with me on the order here, because that's half the fun ...)
april 22: former friend and houseguest l* decides to yell at me at 2 am because i don't want to sleep with him
april 22: leave my own apt at 4:00 am after said incident. sleep 2 hrs at neighbor's apt then go to study group
april 22: begin with the difficulty maintaining grace and composure
april 23: b-day passes with minimal hooplah, reinforcing prev. assessment that birthdays are just disappointing
april 24: finish with all my god forsaken classes
april 25: evil fancy dinner with long speeches and mediocre food
april 27-28: take home exam in (i shit you not) canon law of the roman catholic church
may 1: trademark paper (25 pages) due at 5:30 pm. started this paper during the day on april 30th
may 2: corporate finance (closed book) exam. note to self: do not practice corporate finance
may 3: dad decides to drop the bombshell and informs me he and his wife of 19 years are getting divorced
may 3: odds of shouting "i am having difficulty maintaining my grace and composure" on street corner increase
may 4-5: teach self estate law and pretend my model of a happy marriage didn't just dissolve
may 6: estate law (closed book) exam. note to self: get someone intelligent to draft my will
may 8: meeting at 8:30 in the goddamed morning, followed by a 24 hr exam in copyright litigation. 20 pages
may 9: turn in 18 poorly written pages on copyright litigation (although i did make several jokes...points for humor?)
may 9: interview first of five candidates for future dean of my school because i'm (dig it) a"student leader"
may 10: continue my reign of terror as student leader with next dean candidate
may 10: my friend pete's birthday. oddly, no drama .. until (see next)
may 10: my friend c* decides to tell me he wants to be more than friends. the feeling is the opposite of mutual
may 10: (ok, really may 11 at 4 am) sleep at friend d*'s apartment because i am having a meltdown
may 11: continued and increased difficulty maintaining grace and composure
may 11: scramble (literally) for a rental car because c* was supposed to accompany me on my adventure
may 11: drive like a madwoman on no sleep to delaware to see my friend from high school get married
may 12: drive back to ny and pass out (no, not while driving)
may 13: c* sends a string of self-indulgent, self-loathing, pathetic emails stating we can no longer be friends.
may 13: emotionally blackmailed into meeting with c* for what he calls "closure" and what i call self-flagelation
may 13: inform c* that since he has been (at best) less than honest with me, i can no longer trust him
may 13: close friendship with c* officially over
may 14-17: finish job of 4 and a half years and continue meetings with potential deans #3-5.
may 17: low key exit from job. notably given wonder bunny tshirt by beloved coworkers.
may 18: spend $150 getting a real haircut. time to look like an adult.
may 18: see new star wars flick. funny. very, very funny.
may 19: shop like a person who has no idea just what "office casual" means
may 20: start at new job. orientation is disorienting.
may 20: get assigned to arbitration hearing. will be missing the rest of orientation with the other campers.
may 21-24: arbitration hearings. this really is my dream job. now if only i could get oriented.
may 24: campers go to martini bar after welcome dinner. i stay for one drink, then go out by myself for a beer.
may 25: my first real day in my office. i spill coffee and am told i am doing (shockingly) well so far
may 26: refuse to get out of bed all day. grace and composure be damned.
may 27: today (ok, yesterday). spend day of extra curricular bullshit. power sucks. i'd prefer a good burrito.
wow. doing that really made me feel better. (got all that, heid?) no seriously - i feel purged. the past six weeks have been a bitch, and i'm annoyed by it. not annoyed by the actual crap that's gone down, but annoyed that it's getting in my way of enjoying a really beautiful life. kinda like a big ole pile of locusts raining down on your parade.
oh well, i should go home. goodnight, moon.